Are you one of many Christian singles who find Christian dating challenging? Does it sometimes seem like Christian dating is a “minefield” or it’s so hard to find Mr. or Miss Right?

Maybe you have recently broken up or divorced, and want to do things differently this time. Or perhaps you haven’t dated for a long time, are “coming out of hiding” and want to date in a healthy way. You want to explore Christian dating because your faith is important to you. You may feel that God has planted a seed in your heart to be in a committed relationship or even marriage.

But you find it hard to date in a way that makes you happy and pleases God at the same time. There are many opportunities to deepen your relationship with God through Christian dating, but you may not know how or where the opportunities are. This blog post will briefly explore the key challenges in Christian dating and how to address them.

First…let’s consider why Christian dating is different and perhaps more challenging than dating for non-Christians?

• Following Christ means that we are held to different standards than the world.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 2:12

The starting point of our lives as a Christian is always our relationship with Jesus. Everything we do, from our job, to household responsibilities, to our dating relationships , provides a forum for us to deepen our relationship to Christ or to serve others with our gifts. Dating can provide a unique forum to grow spiritually and possibly serve others with the gifts He has given us. It can give us a chance to regally “renew our minds”, as you discover God in another person. However, since we are called to not follow the world’s standards, and to conduct our daily lives in such as a way that it pleases God and is in alignment with His perfect will, it means that we have to “date differently” than the world, which can present challenges.

From leading workshops for Christian singles for more than 10 years, I commonly hear from the workshop participants that their biggest challenge in dating as a Christian is:

• Conflict between their natural sexual desires and scripture’s guidance about sex. God created our mind and our body to be very connected with each other. Our bodies tend to follow our minds or hearts. When our heart gets close to someone of the opposite sex, our bodies start to respond and we want to be close to that person. It’s hard to restrain ourselves from something that “feels” natural. But we also know that keeping sexual purity before marriage is very important. God created the sexual desire to be such a powerful emotion that when expressed in a healthy way in marriage, can be the “fuel” that keeps the “engine” of the marriage running smoothly. But if that desire is unleashed and displaced outside of marriage; it can cause serious flaws in judgment and unnecessary heartache. Sexual intimacy creates vulnerability and leads to expectations, that when not met, cause deep disappointment and pain.

It’s because of God’s love for us that he asks us to abstain. There are several benefits to abstaining from premarital sex besides avoiding unnecessary heartache and misunderstanding. First, it allows us to develop a healthy RESPECT for our dating partner, when we see that he or she can exhibit self-control and values scriptural teaching about sexual purity. It can actually create a deeper bond between you. Secondly, it allows us to see the person more OBJECTIVELY and discern more accurately if they are a good match for us. Our vision doesn’t get clouded by our passions. Thirdly, abstention allows us to give a PRECIOUS GIFT to your dating partner once you get married.

I’ve heard countless stories from married couples of how God has blessed their sexual relationship because they waited. I will address specific ways to manage sexual chemistry effectively in Christian dating, as well as other challenges, in upcoming blog posts. If you struggle with this as a Christian single, and would like some help, feel free to call me at my office at (951) 850-2888.